Did you read Part One of the story of my recent identity crisis? If not you can read it here.
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As I gained more experience with the emerging drugs, I began to be asked by pharmaceutical companies if I would lecture to physicians and other care providers about the proper use of the cholesterol medications. For several years, in addition to my ‘day job’, I periodically had the opportunity to travel around the southeast lecturing to physicians for the pharmaceutical companies. Without sounding prideful, I will tell you that I did not do these lectures for free. The money was VERY, VERY GOOD. I was paid many hundreds of dollars for an hour lecture.
It was heady stuff, let me tell you.
In 1998, it all ended when the Lipid Clinic at Emory closed and I transferred to the Cardiac Division. I missed it terribly….the patient contact and the lecturing money. However, it was what it was and so I simply moved on and for many years (ummm, like 13 years) did not think much about it.
Then, last month I picked up a pharmacy journal at work and saw an article written by a pharmacist on cholesterol medications. After the title of the article was her name…. Susie Q. Jones, Pharm.D. Clinical Lipidologist. Suddenly it hit me like a tidal wave rolling in at full force,…..that could have been me if I had just been able to stay with the Lipid Clinic. The feeling of loss and regret was nearly overwhelming. My thoughts went something like this:
“Look at me now. I’m stuck working as a pharmacist two days a week; making little difference in anyone’s life. Dealing with insurance issues consumes a huge chunk of my time at work and that is beyond frustrating. Sure I am in ministry and get to speak, but really, am I making a difference in anyone’s life? Am I? Ughh, I wish I could go back.”
Like the Israelites looking back at Egypt and longing for what seemed so satisfying, I was doing the same thing. What was I forgetting? I was forgetting that in those days I had not been walking with Jesus wholeheartedly and I did not have the peace that I now have. I was forgetting that I was living in Atlanta, fighting the madness of Atlanta traffic and nearly hyperventilating with anxiety as I drove home each day. I was forgetting that Greg and I were not nearly as close in our marriage in those days. I was forgetting that I did not have close, godly friends like I now have.
I am not in that place now because it is not where God desires for me to be. Am I making a difference in anyone’s life now? I hope so. I think so. The more important issue is whether I am obedient to what God asks of me in this season. I believe the answer is “Yes”. And so I say, with the apostle Paul:
for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.’
Meditation Moment: Has there been a time in your life when you acted like an ancient Israelite and longed for what used to be? How did that work for you? What did God teach you?
